...you cheat and you lie
~ Kings Philosopher
"I love you...you're my world...I would never do anything to hurt you...you mean everything to me...I could never stop loving you..." He says...And then you find out...through whatever means...that he's lied...all consuming, mind blowing lies...unbelievable deception the likes of which is far stranger than fiction. You're numb...your world is shattered...the utopia, everything you believed, you held dear, everything...violently yanked from your grasp without warning. Confusion...hurt...Numbness...disbelief...debilitated...anger...oh anger.
Then you confront him...knowing he'll prove it's all untrue...and everything will be alright again...the sun and moon back in alignment...utopia restored once again. Alas, that is not to be, the horror is not a nightmare after all, the betrayal...deception...lies...all reality. Yelling, name calling, screaming, cursing, threats...from you. Apologies...from him. You end things ...the four or five year relationship. You'll never get back together with him again.never again. You cry...the pain feels physical...like it'll never stop. You can't eat, can't sleep, can't talk ...not without breaking down. You're a blubbering mass of unbearable..mind numbing pain. And then you begin to wonder...if you had a hand in the deception...if maybe you even caused it. After all, this isn't the person you know...knew...this isn't the same guy who woo'd you...who swept you off your feet. Why, that person must be be there somewhere...maybe if you both tried again...maybe.
And the cycle goes on...the vicious cycle...of relationships...deception...lies...and the like.
That's her story. And while I'm not unfeeling and I do empathize...after all...it's hard to detach yourself from someone you've been with for years...is the alternative...a life fraught with distrust, unhappiness, jealousy, unnecessary hypertension, worth it?
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
There but for the grace of God, go I.
Some days I wonder, is there good…or is there bad.
Is it all black and white…or a perfect gray…not just a gray area…just all grey?
I’m fascinated by Law and Order…more so than CSI
By Tru TV…more so than ABC
Crime…criminals..Murderers…
We’re inclined to see them as horrible, despicable, immoral, evil, less than human, malevolent, wicked, …but are they?
I read an article on the 1978 Jonestown murders. Horrible. So sad…and I wanted to know more. So I googled and googled…and read and read ..and finally came across this article…not just about Jonestown, but about the collective ‘cult-like’ phenomena. The brainwashing of otherwise ‘good’ people…who eventually turn into people who would feed cyanide to ~250 helpless children…all for what? What they consider to be the ‘greater good’? Why were ‘they’ so susceptible to being brainwashed? What about them made them such targets, so ‘gullible’, so willing to relinquish control to another human. Not God, Allah, or whatever deity anyone may subscribe…but another human??? Why? We – those who have not fallen into the trap of a cult like group – may look at these folks as weak, broken, stupid even, but if we dig deeper, research these groups and former participants, we may realize there is not much that separates us…not much that differentiates us…but the grace of God. There but for the grace of God, go I.
Is it all black and white…or a perfect gray…not just a gray area…just all grey?
I’m fascinated by Law and Order…more so than CSI
By Tru TV…more so than ABC
Crime…criminals..Murderers…
We’re inclined to see them as horrible, despicable, immoral, evil, less than human, malevolent, wicked, …but are they?
I read an article on the 1978 Jonestown murders. Horrible. So sad…and I wanted to know more. So I googled and googled…and read and read ..and finally came across this article…not just about Jonestown, but about the collective ‘cult-like’ phenomena. The brainwashing of otherwise ‘good’ people…who eventually turn into people who would feed cyanide to ~250 helpless children…all for what? What they consider to be the ‘greater good’? Why were ‘they’ so susceptible to being brainwashed? What about them made them such targets, so ‘gullible’, so willing to relinquish control to another human. Not God, Allah, or whatever deity anyone may subscribe…but another human??? Why? We – those who have not fallen into the trap of a cult like group – may look at these folks as weak, broken, stupid even, but if we dig deeper, research these groups and former participants, we may realize there is not much that separates us…not much that differentiates us…but the grace of God. There but for the grace of God, go I.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
A lifetime ago...
My first missions trip...a ifetime ago...yet only 1 year in the past.
So profound...I sent this note out to friends upon my return...
...Me
_______
To sum it all up, my trip was …AMAZING.
God bless all of you who supported me financially, and in your prayers. My prayer for you now is that you read this email – albeit a lengthy one - in it’s entirety, that God would bless you as you read this, and call you to action.
I fully expected to come back from the trip with some sort of... epiphany… about my life…my purpose… but God had more in store for me. An awakening...an exponentially increased awareness of the needs of others all around the world...the realization that there is infinitely more to life...to Christianity… than I was aware of prior to this journey.
It is not news that there is so much sadness in this world. What was surprising to me was the impact that sadness had on me as I became physically involved with those to whom my missions’ team ministered in Morocco.
We visited a lot of cities and villages in Morocco - Fes, Meknes, Tarmilat, Midelt, Village of Hope, Ain Leuh, Rabat, Casablanca - some names I can not even remember. Morocco is a very beautiful country with breathtaking scenery and magnificent sunsets. But that aside…
As it is illegal to preach the gospel in Morocco, our purpose was to SHOW Christ through our actions and interactions, to give of ourselves, our time, and to provide for the material needs of others there. I learned, on this trip, that ‘talking’ Christ is infinitely easier than ‘living’ Christ. We have it so easy over here in America, or in Nigeria, where we can proclaim Jesus on the rooftops and bear no negative repercussions. While we all say we strive to be like Christ, nothing makes the conquest more real than being forced to be like Him by living in a place like Morocco. You can’t curse out that dude who just cut you off in traffic; you certainly can’t gossip about what that gal was wearing or what she did; oh and yeah, you REALLY have to turn the other cheek when someone slaps you.
Many of us take our freedom of faith for granted. For a Moroccan, being a Christian is a crime punishable by death. We met some Moroccan Christians at tea one day but, while they could have tea with us, they pleaded with us not to take their pictures, as their lives were in danger. Even their families were not aware of their Christianity. Moroccan Christians couldn’t worship with us at church on Sundays because of the fear that the secret police would arrest them. The law allows a Muslim to kill a Moroccan Christian just because of their faith. Yet, the Christian population there is increasing. They suffer so much for Christ and I couldn’t help but wonder how many of us would still be professing Christ if we lived with such persecution.
On our first ‘working’ day in Morocco, we served at an orphanage in ******. I was not prepared for the circumstances in which these orphans lived and after a while, had to excuse myself from the group because I was in tears. In an orphanage of about 400/500 children – don’t quote me on the exact numbers- there were 4 girls. Yup, 4 – I counted the girls. I asked my team leader, Beth, why this was so – I honestly felt sorry for the boys because they weren’t being adopted as quickly as the girls were. She said it’s because some of the girls are adopted to be house girls in Morocco and neighboring countries. Most of the girls are adopted and trained to become prostitutes. My heart sank. I was assigned to work with a group of boys from ages 7 through 10. I walked into the room and was greeted with stares from 36 boys and 1 little girl - all sitting on mattresses on the floor in a room barely bigger than a good sized walk in closet. These children - 37 of them - LIVE all day in a room that only has pee infested flimsy mattresses on the floor. And I mean they live there as in eat; sleep; drink; see no sun; only going out to use the bathroom kinda living. 37 kids with barely any room to move around. We were not allowed to take pictures in this orphanage - we would have been kicked out and if the government got wind of it, we could have been asked to leave the country within 24 hours. The blessing here was that these kids did not understand how dire their situation was. They did not know any other lifestyle – and all I saw in their eyes was hope. It was challenging communicating with them as they spoke Arabic and French but somehow…we managed to understand each other. We tried to bring joy to them – albeit for a day – by playing with them and giving them some much needed supplies. I do not remember names but some of their faces are etched in my memory…and I commit them to God when I pray. They taught me contentment… in the midst of severe lack; hope from within, when there is none to be had around you.
At another orphanage in ***- full of babies and toddlers – some of the children are chained to their cribs. Why? You ask why? Does it matter? Is there an answer under the sun that justifies chaining a child to a bed? Let’s just say the day we visited this *** orphanage was the saddest day of this trip for me.
There is so much injustice in this world. It burns me up every time I become aware of any injustice. I have this righteous indignation within me…an urge to right every wrong…to be an advocate for the oppressed…to see the bad guy punished (hung and quartered actually)…the victim victorious…justice served. I.T. just doesn’t seem like the right profession for that, does it? I don’t know of any super hero with an I.T background.
At the Girls Detention center we visited in ***, the girls were much older. Some of them kicked out by their families with no other place to go. In Morocco, when a girl is raped, she’s to blame, and thus is sent to the detention center. Now, herein lies the cause of my previous rant about justice. Most women in Morocco wear ‘Djelabas’ – clothing that covers all but their eyes – so how could any rape be remotely their fault?! Did she maybe forget to cover the bridge of her nose and therein arose the temptation? I have a burden for young girls and this bit of news just tore at my heart. So much injustice…
In Morocco, children born out of wedlock are seen as a waste of space and practically unworthy of living. A lot of these single mothers go through such hell from their families that they get rid of the children. Some mothers throw the children in rivers to drown. *** is really a little village where a group of families take these ‘unwanted’ children in and raise them up as their own. There are about 6 couples serving at *** now, each raising 8 Moroccan children – in addition to their own children. Each couple was called by God to leave their homes – America, Britain, South Africa, Australia - , their families, the comfort zones, and move to *** to give these kids hope for a future. I was amazed by how these couples embodied what Christ has called us to do – to go into all the world –Mark 16:15. I developed profound respect for full time missionaries, and the work they do. Each couple LIVES Christ, they don’t just talk a big game, they show God’s love, and a hunger to obey His call/command/word. These couples constantly reach out to the children in the surrounding villages – they (***) invited us to run this camp. Even when the kids from the villages taunt the *** kids as unwanted, worthless, and children of prostitutes, the *** couples turn the other proverbial cheek and keep showing the village kids love in the hope that someday, God will touch their hearts and bring them to Christ.
I learned my most profound lesson here at ***. Ecclesiastes 3:2 -There is a time to plant and a time to harvest. I know I cannot impress upon you the impact of this lesson yet it burns within me. The seed for this *** project was planted about 20 years ago when an old WW2 general gave his hunting lodge to two women who began taking in these children. It is not known to me if this general was a Christian but, in sowing a seed over 20 years ago, all these children today are being touched by GOD in a country surrounded by such darkness. VOH also reaches out to the surrounding villages by providing material needs and have led an unknown number of Moroccans to Christ- All because this general gave up his hunting lodge. God led me to truly understand that He is not exaggerating when He says in Isaiah 55:9 – My thoughts are higher than your thoughts. And when He asks us to do things that seem completely senseless to us, who knows what mighty tree that little seed will turn out to produce? He alone knows the big picture! Who on earth could have known all those years ago that all these lives would be impacted by the old general. God truly is amazing. I was also strongly convicted that now is a time for harvest. The bulk of the seed planting is done – now pray that God will send laborers to the harvest.
Make no mistake, there is sadness, injustice, oppression, and evil everywhere, even in Nigeria and in America; I speak of Morocco because that is where I was led.
Despite all the sadness I saw there; I saw light with every little child that came up to me, smiling, hands outstretched for a hug. Or every little one that kissed my one cheek, then the other, looked me in the eyes; and said, Sukran! (Thank you!) as I got up to leave. Or as I watched the positive transformation of even the most resistant teenage boys – they started out making fun of me L but by the end of the week, they would greet me by placing their palms on their chests – a sign of respect in Morocco. We could not preach the gospel; we could only pray that they saw Gods love thru our interactions with each other; and with them. But it was such a joy to see their eyes light up as we worked with them. Yes, It was only for a short while but here is a quote I got from one of my team members, Mark, - “It is impossible to estimate the value of the moment when two lives intersect for the first time.”
God Bless you!
Y
So profound...I sent this note out to friends upon my return...
...Me
_______
To sum it all up, my trip was …AMAZING.
God bless all of you who supported me financially, and in your prayers. My prayer for you now is that you read this email – albeit a lengthy one - in it’s entirety, that God would bless you as you read this, and call you to action.
I fully expected to come back from the trip with some sort of... epiphany… about my life…my purpose… but God had more in store for me. An awakening...an exponentially increased awareness of the needs of others all around the world...the realization that there is infinitely more to life...to Christianity… than I was aware of prior to this journey.
It is not news that there is so much sadness in this world. What was surprising to me was the impact that sadness had on me as I became physically involved with those to whom my missions’ team ministered in Morocco.
We visited a lot of cities and villages in Morocco - Fes, Meknes, Tarmilat, Midelt, Village of Hope, Ain Leuh, Rabat, Casablanca - some names I can not even remember. Morocco is a very beautiful country with breathtaking scenery and magnificent sunsets. But that aside…
As it is illegal to preach the gospel in Morocco, our purpose was to SHOW Christ through our actions and interactions, to give of ourselves, our time, and to provide for the material needs of others there. I learned, on this trip, that ‘talking’ Christ is infinitely easier than ‘living’ Christ. We have it so easy over here in America, or in Nigeria, where we can proclaim Jesus on the rooftops and bear no negative repercussions. While we all say we strive to be like Christ, nothing makes the conquest more real than being forced to be like Him by living in a place like Morocco. You can’t curse out that dude who just cut you off in traffic; you certainly can’t gossip about what that gal was wearing or what she did; oh and yeah, you REALLY have to turn the other cheek when someone slaps you.
Many of us take our freedom of faith for granted. For a Moroccan, being a Christian is a crime punishable by death. We met some Moroccan Christians at tea one day but, while they could have tea with us, they pleaded with us not to take their pictures, as their lives were in danger. Even their families were not aware of their Christianity. Moroccan Christians couldn’t worship with us at church on Sundays because of the fear that the secret police would arrest them. The law allows a Muslim to kill a Moroccan Christian just because of their faith. Yet, the Christian population there is increasing. They suffer so much for Christ and I couldn’t help but wonder how many of us would still be professing Christ if we lived with such persecution.
On our first ‘working’ day in Morocco, we served at an orphanage in ******. I was not prepared for the circumstances in which these orphans lived and after a while, had to excuse myself from the group because I was in tears. In an orphanage of about 400/500 children – don’t quote me on the exact numbers- there were 4 girls. Yup, 4 – I counted the girls. I asked my team leader, Beth, why this was so – I honestly felt sorry for the boys because they weren’t being adopted as quickly as the girls were. She said it’s because some of the girls are adopted to be house girls in Morocco and neighboring countries. Most of the girls are adopted and trained to become prostitutes. My heart sank. I was assigned to work with a group of boys from ages 7 through 10. I walked into the room and was greeted with stares from 36 boys and 1 little girl - all sitting on mattresses on the floor in a room barely bigger than a good sized walk in closet. These children - 37 of them - LIVE all day in a room that only has pee infested flimsy mattresses on the floor. And I mean they live there as in eat; sleep; drink; see no sun; only going out to use the bathroom kinda living. 37 kids with barely any room to move around. We were not allowed to take pictures in this orphanage - we would have been kicked out and if the government got wind of it, we could have been asked to leave the country within 24 hours. The blessing here was that these kids did not understand how dire their situation was. They did not know any other lifestyle – and all I saw in their eyes was hope. It was challenging communicating with them as they spoke Arabic and French but somehow…we managed to understand each other. We tried to bring joy to them – albeit for a day – by playing with them and giving them some much needed supplies. I do not remember names but some of their faces are etched in my memory…and I commit them to God when I pray. They taught me contentment… in the midst of severe lack; hope from within, when there is none to be had around you.
At another orphanage in ***- full of babies and toddlers – some of the children are chained to their cribs. Why? You ask why? Does it matter? Is there an answer under the sun that justifies chaining a child to a bed? Let’s just say the day we visited this *** orphanage was the saddest day of this trip for me.
There is so much injustice in this world. It burns me up every time I become aware of any injustice. I have this righteous indignation within me…an urge to right every wrong…to be an advocate for the oppressed…to see the bad guy punished (hung and quartered actually)…the victim victorious…justice served. I.T. just doesn’t seem like the right profession for that, does it? I don’t know of any super hero with an I.T background.
At the Girls Detention center we visited in ***, the girls were much older. Some of them kicked out by their families with no other place to go. In Morocco, when a girl is raped, she’s to blame, and thus is sent to the detention center. Now, herein lies the cause of my previous rant about justice. Most women in Morocco wear ‘Djelabas’ – clothing that covers all but their eyes – so how could any rape be remotely their fault?! Did she maybe forget to cover the bridge of her nose and therein arose the temptation? I have a burden for young girls and this bit of news just tore at my heart. So much injustice…
In Morocco, children born out of wedlock are seen as a waste of space and practically unworthy of living. A lot of these single mothers go through such hell from their families that they get rid of the children. Some mothers throw the children in rivers to drown. *** is really a little village where a group of families take these ‘unwanted’ children in and raise them up as their own. There are about 6 couples serving at *** now, each raising 8 Moroccan children – in addition to their own children. Each couple was called by God to leave their homes – America, Britain, South Africa, Australia - , their families, the comfort zones, and move to *** to give these kids hope for a future. I was amazed by how these couples embodied what Christ has called us to do – to go into all the world –Mark 16:15. I developed profound respect for full time missionaries, and the work they do. Each couple LIVES Christ, they don’t just talk a big game, they show God’s love, and a hunger to obey His call/command/word. These couples constantly reach out to the children in the surrounding villages – they (***) invited us to run this camp. Even when the kids from the villages taunt the *** kids as unwanted, worthless, and children of prostitutes, the *** couples turn the other proverbial cheek and keep showing the village kids love in the hope that someday, God will touch their hearts and bring them to Christ.
I learned my most profound lesson here at ***. Ecclesiastes 3:2 -There is a time to plant and a time to harvest. I know I cannot impress upon you the impact of this lesson yet it burns within me. The seed for this *** project was planted about 20 years ago when an old WW2 general gave his hunting lodge to two women who began taking in these children. It is not known to me if this general was a Christian but, in sowing a seed over 20 years ago, all these children today are being touched by GOD in a country surrounded by such darkness. VOH also reaches out to the surrounding villages by providing material needs and have led an unknown number of Moroccans to Christ- All because this general gave up his hunting lodge. God led me to truly understand that He is not exaggerating when He says in Isaiah 55:9 – My thoughts are higher than your thoughts. And when He asks us to do things that seem completely senseless to us, who knows what mighty tree that little seed will turn out to produce? He alone knows the big picture! Who on earth could have known all those years ago that all these lives would be impacted by the old general. God truly is amazing. I was also strongly convicted that now is a time for harvest. The bulk of the seed planting is done – now pray that God will send laborers to the harvest.
Make no mistake, there is sadness, injustice, oppression, and evil everywhere, even in Nigeria and in America; I speak of Morocco because that is where I was led.
Despite all the sadness I saw there; I saw light with every little child that came up to me, smiling, hands outstretched for a hug. Or every little one that kissed my one cheek, then the other, looked me in the eyes; and said, Sukran! (Thank you!) as I got up to leave. Or as I watched the positive transformation of even the most resistant teenage boys – they started out making fun of me L but by the end of the week, they would greet me by placing their palms on their chests – a sign of respect in Morocco. We could not preach the gospel; we could only pray that they saw Gods love thru our interactions with each other; and with them. But it was such a joy to see their eyes light up as we worked with them. Yes, It was only for a short while but here is a quote I got from one of my team members, Mark, - “It is impossible to estimate the value of the moment when two lives intersect for the first time.”
God Bless you!
Y
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
From every mountain top...
"The new dawn of American leadership is at hand" - President Barack Obama. 11.04.2008
In the throes of historical events...
I'm speechless...
In the throes of historical events...
I'm speechless...
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The end...the beginning...
On our anniversary, loving you means everything to me.
Loving you means I'm happy. It means I'm with the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with It means there's no one else who matters more to me...
Because we have each other, loving you gives me the confidence to believe that nothing is impossible for us and together we can get through any challenge we face
Loving you means I am loved by the person I care most about. It means I'm satisfied and excited about life and I am blessed beyond anything I could imagine.
Loving you means I feel complete. As we've grown older together, our love has been like a burning flame. It has kept me hoping and believing in our future together and trusting in the power of our love.
I hope you're as happy as I am on our anniversary, for loving you means everything to me.
Donna Fargo
Loving you means I'm happy. It means I'm with the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with It means there's no one else who matters more to me...
Because we have each other, loving you gives me the confidence to believe that nothing is impossible for us and together we can get through any challenge we face
Loving you means I am loved by the person I care most about. It means I'm satisfied and excited about life and I am blessed beyond anything I could imagine.
Loving you means I feel complete. As we've grown older together, our love has been like a burning flame. It has kept me hoping and believing in our future together and trusting in the power of our love.
I hope you're as happy as I am on our anniversary, for loving you means everything to me.
Donna Fargo
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Oldies, Oldies, Oldies, but goodies
Can You Reach My Friend ~ Helen Baylor
I got a call from an old friend
We laughed about how we had changed
But I could tell things weren’t going as well
as he claimed
He tried to hide his feelings
But they only gave him away
The longer I listened,
The more I kept wishing that
I knew the right words to say
Can You reach my friend ?
Bring his searching to an end
Lord, I know you love him
Help him understand
Can You reach my friend?
You’re the only One who can
Help him give his heart to You
VERSE 2
We talked for more than an hour
I smiled when he mentioned Your name
I said that I knew You
I told him the difference You made
But he never thought he would need You
But maybe he’s changing his mind
As we said goodbye Lord
He told me that I had found
Something that he’d like to find
Can You reach my friend?
You’re the only One who can
Lord, I know You love him
Help him understand
Can you reach my friend?
Bring his searching to an end
Help him give his heart to You
Maybe he’s ready tonight
Lord, he said that he might
Need to call You
I wanna know...Can you...?
Help him give his heart to You
I got a call from an old friend
We laughed about how we had changed
But I could tell things weren’t going as well
as he claimed
He tried to hide his feelings
But they only gave him away
The longer I listened,
The more I kept wishing that
I knew the right words to say
Can You reach my friend ?
Bring his searching to an end
Lord, I know you love him
Help him understand
Can You reach my friend?
You’re the only One who can
Help him give his heart to You
VERSE 2
We talked for more than an hour
I smiled when he mentioned Your name
I said that I knew You
I told him the difference You made
But he never thought he would need You
But maybe he’s changing his mind
As we said goodbye Lord
He told me that I had found
Something that he’d like to find
Can You reach my friend?
You’re the only One who can
Lord, I know You love him
Help him understand
Can you reach my friend?
Bring his searching to an end
Help him give his heart to You
Maybe he’s ready tonight
Lord, he said that he might
Need to call You
I wanna know...Can you...?
Help him give his heart to You
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Have you ever
...wondered about the path thus trodden? The turns... decisions that have led you to the very spot ...the very fragments of sand, gravel, carpet, tile... on which your feet are standing? What would you change. Which of the many decisions would you reverse? Is this where you thought you would be. Is this burden the one you thought would be yours? if you could go back in time, what would you do differently...what mistakes wld you knowingly repeat. Would you still embark upon that journey that left you ...damaged ...a shell of your former self....just to enjoy the short lived thrill? How much would you change...and would you still be you if you changed all those things? If you bypass the fire, would you still be the shiny...coin...that you are today?
Friday, June 20, 2008
Fin!
Aaaaaaanndd the invites are done!! All done! Well, envelopes still need to be addressed and stuffed but the hard part is finito! All the measuring, printing, cutting, assembling, gluing, stacking, sealing...all done. Phew!
Image obtained here
P.S. I love you
...Not the old detective series, which I really liked, but the movie, which I just finished watching five minutes ago.
Now I'm by no means a movie critic but I am very critical of movies. I'm rarely impressed by them and find most an utter waste of my time, not to speak of the reduction in brain matter which can only be attributed to the dumbing down content of most movies out today. I'm partial to the oldies, Cary Grant, Alfred Hitchcock, Doris Day, Audrey Hepburn, Rock Hudson, and the like - they just don't make them like they used to. The last movie that I found impressive was "V for Vendetta", and that came out in 2005.
Truth be told, I wasn't going to watch P.S. I love you. I'd read the book a couple of summers ago - actually, I listened to the book on tape on my drive to and from work and thought it was OK. Not great, but rather sweet and well thought out. Fast forward to a week ago when I was looking for movies to add to my Blockbuster queue. I was in somewhat of a rush when I happened upon the movie and quickly selected it. I expected little from it, and kinda expected it to go the way of most Dramedys these days, loads of crap with a double helping of cheese. I finally watched it today and I must admit, I am impressed. The movie, for me, was better than the book. There was not an ounce of cheese! Not once did I roll my eyes at the predictability of any scene. I half thought the movie would end with Hillary and Harry Connick Jr beginning a life together - now that would have been mucho predictable. But it didn't. It ended with Hillary growing up, coming into her own, and building her relationship with her Mum. The movie had me emotional - and while I didn't actually cry, tears did come to my eyes many times - there was just SO much love in the movie. Gerry loved her to no end. The love was so convincing. She loved him too but she was rather a brat, to him and to her friends. The final scene had me tearing up and laughing at the same time - when her mum dropped the sweets and began to laugh. It was good to see her laugh. I hope she finds love again...with William's Dad. She so deserves it. To think that even though she was never too fond of Gerry, she still carried out his wishes and mailed all those letters and all. What a good mother. Sometimes we don't realize that our Mothers do what they do out of love for us...and because they have a better view of the big picture.
The movie made me think. Gerry knew he was going to die and he made all these preparations for Holly ...to help her embrace life and to help her move on with her life. What a man in love...in true love. It made me wonder what legacy we leave behind to our loved ones when we die. Death is so sudden and so final ....wouldn't it be...nice...to leave something behind...a voice...a letter ...from beyond? What would I leave OS, for instance...I wonder.
P.S. I love you...me likey.
Now I'm by no means a movie critic but I am very critical of movies. I'm rarely impressed by them and find most an utter waste of my time, not to speak of the reduction in brain matter which can only be attributed to the dumbing down content of most movies out today. I'm partial to the oldies, Cary Grant, Alfred Hitchcock, Doris Day, Audrey Hepburn, Rock Hudson, and the like - they just don't make them like they used to. The last movie that I found impressive was "V for Vendetta", and that came out in 2005.
Truth be told, I wasn't going to watch P.S. I love you. I'd read the book a couple of summers ago - actually, I listened to the book on tape on my drive to and from work and thought it was OK. Not great, but rather sweet and well thought out. Fast forward to a week ago when I was looking for movies to add to my Blockbuster queue. I was in somewhat of a rush when I happened upon the movie and quickly selected it. I expected little from it, and kinda expected it to go the way of most Dramedys these days, loads of crap with a double helping of cheese. I finally watched it today and I must admit, I am impressed. The movie, for me, was better than the book. There was not an ounce of cheese! Not once did I roll my eyes at the predictability of any scene. I half thought the movie would end with Hillary and Harry Connick Jr beginning a life together - now that would have been mucho predictable. But it didn't. It ended with Hillary growing up, coming into her own, and building her relationship with her Mum. The movie had me emotional - and while I didn't actually cry, tears did come to my eyes many times - there was just SO much love in the movie. Gerry loved her to no end. The love was so convincing. She loved him too but she was rather a brat, to him and to her friends. The final scene had me tearing up and laughing at the same time - when her mum dropped the sweets and began to laugh. It was good to see her laugh. I hope she finds love again...with William's Dad. She so deserves it. To think that even though she was never too fond of Gerry, she still carried out his wishes and mailed all those letters and all. What a good mother. Sometimes we don't realize that our Mothers do what they do out of love for us...and because they have a better view of the big picture.
The movie made me think. Gerry knew he was going to die and he made all these preparations for Holly ...to help her embrace life and to help her move on with her life. What a man in love...in true love. It made me wonder what legacy we leave behind to our loved ones when we die. Death is so sudden and so final ....wouldn't it be...nice...to leave something behind...a voice...a letter ...from beyond? What would I leave OS, for instance...I wonder.
P.S. I love you...me likey.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Missing you
I don't think about you ...not all the time
but when I do...I miss you
It's surprising how much i do
The sillyness..idiocy...the just plain 'wrongness' of ...us
Like silly schoolgirls...the 'recaps'...the sharing...the 'crashing'...heh...the crashing
two otherwise intelligent people...reduced to mere schoolgirl antics...
and loving every minute of it
The late nights, in person...on the phone
The one second glances that spoke volumes
The two to three word texts that had us in stitches
No one else understood us...our language...our code
with just a look...you got it...I got it...no one else did
We had fun... a blast...every time...unlike with any other
The most fun.
And I miss it.
Now... now it's just ...akward
to even see you...talk to you
Is there too much...too much that cannot be healed
Can you forgive...can I?
Is there anything to forgive? I don't remember.
Has too much time passed?
Would that be a good thing... or a bad thing?
We try...we're trying...
I know we are
And in time...who knows
but when I do...I miss you
It's surprising how much i do
The sillyness..idiocy...the just plain 'wrongness' of ...us
Like silly schoolgirls...the 'recaps'...the sharing...the 'crashing'...heh...the crashing
two otherwise intelligent people...reduced to mere schoolgirl antics...
and loving every minute of it
The late nights, in person...on the phone
The one second glances that spoke volumes
The two to three word texts that had us in stitches
No one else understood us...our language...our code
with just a look...you got it...I got it...no one else did
We had fun... a blast...every time...unlike with any other
The most fun.
And I miss it.
Now... now it's just ...akward
to even see you...talk to you
Is there too much...too much that cannot be healed
Can you forgive...can I?
Is there anything to forgive? I don't remember.
Has too much time passed?
Would that be a good thing... or a bad thing?
We try...we're trying...
I know we are
And in time...who knows
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Here comes...revisited
Well, it didn't fit. Actually, it was a very tight fit. VERY. Gosh
darn it...back to WW and gyming
darn it...back to WW and gyming
Shortie got low low low low...
Got my first offer yesterday. Nothing to get excited about...It was
such a lowball offer that I was disgusted. Oh well, We'll keep
chugging along...
such a lowball offer that I was disgusted. Oh well, We'll keep
chugging along...
Friday, May 23, 2008
A wise woman once said...
~Titanides
Make <him> your first. Look at those little things about him you love. Look at how much he respects you <> and loves you, and spoils you. And then ask yourself again why he doesn't deserve to be your "first".
Make <him> your first. Look at those little things about him you love. Look at how much he respects you <> and loves you, and spoils you. And then ask yourself again why he doesn't deserve to be your "first".
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Here comes...
...THE DRESS!!!!!
It's here, it's here, the dress IS HERE!!
I won't be trying it on for another week or so but IT IS HERE!!!!
So excited I'm actually doing the twist...yes, I admit it's about the only dance my no-dancing self can actually perform...and with glee!
It's here, it's here, the dress IS HERE!!
I won't be trying it on for another week or so but IT IS HERE!!!!
So excited I'm actually doing the twist...yes, I admit it's about the only dance my no-dancing self can actually perform...and with glee!
One façade, two façade, three façade, four!
˜Gigi
Why oh why do we ALL 'front'. It's enough to make this gal scream. Why do we hide...behind this shield of flawed perfection....this tough nut exterior...this mask of non chalance...when all we want to do is ...AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
Some of the most sensitive ppl I have had the honor of knowing are described by others - read: ppl who don't really know them - as 'tough as nails'. Ummm... Yeah.... NOT. Why? They put on this air of...'nothing phases me' because EVERYTHING phases them. I'd rather...ummm I mean they'd rather be fake than let ppl know they've been hurt by the actions of others...intentionally malicious or no. K, I'm bored with this line of reasoning. Old news...really
I see it everyday. Ppl lash out viciously at others in macho defiance instead of admitting they've been deeply wounded... by the lack of a phonecall, a forgotten birthday,plain old insensitivity.
What's the origin of the fear? The unwillingness....the inability to lay oneself bare before another in admission of hurt. Ridicule? Rejection?
Why do we seek vengeance instead of resolution? Why hold on to the hurt ....thereby enveloping oneself in the dreary darkness that is unforgiveness. Why live in pain and negativity....when all we have to do is...let it go... let vengeance truly be God's. When all we have to do is forgive... and learn from the experience. Lay ourselves bare even, admitting our feelings to whomever struck the blow to our ego...and we might be pleasantly surprised by the reaction. The incident might even bring us closer together...
Why the façade?
Why oh why do we ALL 'front'. It's enough to make this gal scream. Why do we hide...behind this shield of flawed perfection....this tough nut exterior...this mask of non chalance...when all we want to do is ...AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
Image obtained here
Some of the most sensitive ppl I have had the honor of knowing are described by others - read: ppl who don't really know them - as 'tough as nails'. Ummm... Yeah.... NOT. Why? They put on this air of...'nothing phases me' because EVERYTHING phases them. I'd rather...ummm I mean they'd rather be fake than let ppl know they've been hurt by the actions of others...intentionally malicious or no. K, I'm bored with this line of reasoning. Old news...really
I see it everyday. Ppl lash out viciously at others in macho defiance instead of admitting they've been deeply wounded... by the lack of a phonecall, a forgotten birthday,plain old insensitivity.
What's the origin of the fear? The unwillingness....the inability to lay oneself bare before another in admission of hurt. Ridicule? Rejection?
Why do we seek vengeance instead of resolution? Why hold on to the hurt ....thereby enveloping oneself in the dreary darkness that is unforgiveness. Why live in pain and negativity....when all we have to do is...let it go... let vengeance truly be God's. When all we have to do is forgive... and learn from the experience. Lay ourselves bare even, admitting our feelings to whomever struck the blow to our ego...and we might be pleasantly surprised by the reaction. The incident might even bring us closer together...
Why the façade?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it!
~ Pointer Sisters
I can't wait for Sex and the City, the movie. I got on the SATC bandwagon mucho late but I am a HUGE fan. I so plan on being first in line come the 30th... and drooling @ all the shoes!!! Go Mr. Big!!
.
.
.
.
K, calm down girl, it's not that serious.
!!
.
.
.
.
K, calm down girl, it's not that serious.
!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
You took my breath away
I want it back again
Look at the mess Im in...
~ George Harrison
YOWZAH!!! MINE! ME!! I WANT!! GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!
That's how I reacted the minute I saw these altar arrangements on one of the blogs I frequent. This awesome wedding was featured on Abby's blog. Boy am I in a mess, now I want to change what we've already decided for the altar arrangements. Yikes!
A close up...ooooohhhh
OMG. They're. so. fuhreakin'. beautiful! To top it off, they totally match the centerpieces for the reception. Gladiolus and callas. Simple, clean lines. Candles around the base. Wow. This idea was totally stolen from me...taken right out of my subconscious creative mind... even though it never crossed said mind, heh
Oh man! If only callas weren't so expensive. Still. I'm going to ask the florist to give me an estimate for these arrangements.
What a mess...
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Take your candle, go light your world
-TBD
Where is the line. Is it so blurred that we've lost ourselves...so blurred that we now blend in, so blurred that we are now yoked together?
Love, Love, Love, yes, but where has honesty gone? Has tact swallowed it up? Has tolerance overshadowed truth? Whatever happened to the truth. God's truth. What happened to accepting it...believing it...professing it? Professing it to all...even to those in direct violation of it. Does tact diminish the message when we do attempt to relay it? Does it warp the message altogether and make it of no effect? Are we compromising? Afraid of being different...of being identified as one with unpopular views...afraid of...man?
I love you but...You're my brother but...You're my best friend but... Will what comes next destroy what we have? Will my not speaking up cause me to lose a bit of myself...my faith... my relationship with the One who matters most? Which relationship is more important? Note the question is not which should be but which IS? What we believe, preach, practice, why do they differ?
Do not fear what man can do to you. Do not be afraid of being unpopular. The group dynamic is prone to flawed judgements and error. Fitting into it is not a priority. God is. What He thinks of you is most important. Obeying His mandate is your purpose. Do not be afraid to speak out and to stand up for that in which you believe. Remember though, that God is love. All our actions must be done in Love. Tolerance and tact are to help us in delivering the message. Let them not become the enemy...let them not warp the truth.
Where is the line. Is it so blurred that we've lost ourselves...so blurred that we now blend in, so blurred that we are now yoked together?
Love, Love, Love, yes, but where has honesty gone? Has tact swallowed it up? Has tolerance overshadowed truth? Whatever happened to the truth. God's truth. What happened to accepting it...believing it...professing it? Professing it to all...even to those in direct violation of it. Does tact diminish the message when we do attempt to relay it? Does it warp the message altogether and make it of no effect? Are we compromising? Afraid of being different...of being identified as one with unpopular views...afraid of...man?
I love you but...You're my brother but...You're my best friend but... Will what comes next destroy what we have? Will my not speaking up cause me to lose a bit of myself...my faith... my relationship with the One who matters most? Which relationship is more important? Note the question is not which should be but which IS? What we believe, preach, practice, why do they differ?
Do not fear what man can do to you. Do not be afraid of being unpopular. The group dynamic is prone to flawed judgements and error. Fitting into it is not a priority. God is. What He thinks of you is most important. Obeying His mandate is your purpose. Do not be afraid to speak out and to stand up for that in which you believe. Remember though, that God is love. All our actions must be done in Love. Tolerance and tact are to help us in delivering the message. Let them not become the enemy...let them not warp the truth.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
It's raining, like magic...
It's raining now, and all is quiet. Save cars zipping by in a hurry, and the gentle sound of renewal. Save my thoughts , a mile a minute, and the welcome sound of raindrops tapping the window, the sill, the ground. It's raining now and with it a stirring of peace, contentment, satisfaction, meditation, desire. Not of Eros but of knowledge, a oneness, a yearning for in depth understanding, faith, growth, regeneration, rebirth, renewal.
It's raining now and with it a hunger to learn, to be amazed, enthralled, enlightened, blown away, ...a friend.
Why dost thou desire what eludes you so... Why dost that elude you which is within your reach...why dost thou fail to see it, grab it, hold on to it? It is one thing to desire, quite another to obtain.
It's raining now and there is such peace, all around, all within. Hope also, for the uprising. For the charge, to take it. For the power, to wield it.
It's raining ..
It's raining now and with it a hunger to learn, to be amazed, enthralled, enlightened, blown away, ...a friend.
Why dost thou desire what eludes you so... Why dost that elude you which is within your reach...why dost thou fail to see it, grab it, hold on to it? It is one thing to desire, quite another to obtain.
It's raining now and there is such peace, all around, all within. Hope also, for the uprising. For the charge, to take it. For the power, to wield it.
It's raining ..
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Will blog for CHANGE
I'm still kinda bummed out that Obama lost the primaries yesterday. I hope this isn't the beginning of a downward spiral for his campaign. Here's hoping he kicks tail in the other big states and shoves Hillary out of the running. Delegates, delegates, pledge for CHANGE.
When I found you...
~ Brittany Spears
I came across this website a few days ago while browsing one of the many wedding blogs I visit on a daily basis. Some of the pics are sooo cute and the captions pretty witty.
Here are a few of my favorites:
I came across this website a few days ago while browsing one of the many wedding blogs I visit on a daily basis. Some of the pics are sooo cute and the captions pretty witty.
Here are a few of my favorites:
You stood up and stole it from me...give it all back
~ Anon
What are the odds of that... I wrote a post about love and all it's relativity and many expressions and then my phone ate it up...
Too bad. Why am I so melancholy these days...
What are the odds of that... I wrote a post about love and all it's relativity and many expressions and then my phone ate it up...
Too bad. Why am I so melancholy these days...
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Not what it seems
~ Something Corporate
I'M IN A SO SO MOOD RIGHT NOW. Didn't mean to yell but I didn't
realize my caps button was on and I don't feel like back spacing.
Why can't all just be well? Why can't one make plans and have
everything go according to those plans. Why is there evil in the
world? So much sadness, despair, sorrow, it's so discouraging. Scary.
Are your issues irrelevant if mine are more severe? What yardstick
does one use to measure the severity and validity of issues/problems.
Does your stolen car matter less than mine because you make ten times
as much money as I do? Why is it ok for me to wail and sorrow about it
but not for you to do the same. Why is all relative? When did
absolutes become the enemy? A = A no matter the situation,
circumstances people involved and all.
Sigh....
I'M IN A SO SO MOOD RIGHT NOW. Didn't mean to yell but I didn't
realize my caps button was on and I don't feel like back spacing.
Why can't all just be well? Why can't one make plans and have
everything go according to those plans. Why is there evil in the
world? So much sadness, despair, sorrow, it's so discouraging. Scary.
Are your issues irrelevant if mine are more severe? What yardstick
does one use to measure the severity and validity of issues/problems.
Does your stolen car matter less than mine because you make ten times
as much money as I do? Why is it ok for me to wail and sorrow about it
but not for you to do the same. Why is all relative? When did
absolutes become the enemy? A = A no matter the situation,
circumstances people involved and all.
Sigh....
Thursday, January 17, 2008
...This is it now, everybody get down, this is all I can take...
You take a hit now
you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
~Rob Thomas
So I had my first official wedding freak out moment...well, this year at least.
I'd pretty much put off all wedding planning activites to focus on the holidays - gift buying, gift giving, carol singing, and the like . It was a much welcome distraction from all the planning to be honest. There I was, enjoying the lack of wedding talk in my life when all of a sudden, 2 days ago, something snapped. I guess it wasn't unlike an awakening from a peaceful coma. Ah well, I had to know the sanity wouldn't las long after the new year. One can dream... I decided to revisit the invitation - which I'd designed last year. I sat down, turned on my laptop, started Photoshop, opened up invitation001.psd, took a good look, then a deep breath, and realized the idea I had per packaging the invitation was NOT going to work! ARRRRGGGHHH. Did that mean I'd have to redesign the entire thing!! A nightmare!! The many many MANY LOOONG nights I spent making sure EVERY little pixel was in place...every letter perfectly placed...measurements painstakingly calculated...for petes sake how many variations of 'no kids allowed AT ALL...ra ra' did I even come up with??...down the drain???? I teared up. In my quest to avoid the pocketfold, I'd made things infinitely more complicated. This was coming at a time when I should be printing out the invites, not redesigning!!
Oh no, that's not all. I ventured onto my to-do list at my numero uno wedding site and what, pray tell, was staring back at me via my screen?? Alas, a list of 30 items overdue! 30! Boo! BOO! Big BOO! I haven't decided on an officiant, insured the wedding ring, picked out a cake (look, filling, design), decided who's baking the cake, chosen flowers, or a florist, auditioned DJs, spoken to the caterer, ordered a dress, picked bridesmaids dresses, ordered the bridesmaids dresses, picked hotels, booked hotel rooms, decided on a decorator. Deep breath in....IN I say.
That was 2 days ago. I'm ok now. God bless them. As they pointed out to me - while freaking out over the phone to them - we're more than a few months away. Weddings have been planned in less...much less.
I've spoken to the caterer, and gotten an estimate - a contract is in the works. I've booked rooms in one hotel, Shay'll call the other two for me and take care of that. OS came up with a fantastic idea for the invitations, backpocket indeed. I've spoken to the baker - I still haven't picked the look but as long as it's 3-4 layers I don't really care that it's plain white. I'll pick my battles and the cake isn't one of them. Not worried about jewelry or native attire - they'll be handling that (they're becoming fast friends which is nice, really nice).
Having help is great! I always knew I'd never be able to do this alone.
Unfortunately, it's in my nature to freak out. Textbook. But for now, all is well.
you feel it break down
Make you stay wide awake
~Rob Thomas
So I had my first official wedding freak out moment...well, this year at least.
I'd pretty much put off all wedding planning activites to focus on the holidays - gift buying, gift giving, carol singing, and the like . It was a much welcome distraction from all the planning to be honest. There I was, enjoying the lack of wedding talk in my life when all of a sudden, 2 days ago, something snapped. I guess it wasn't unlike an awakening from a peaceful coma. Ah well, I had to know the sanity wouldn't las long after the new year. One can dream... I decided to revisit the invitation - which I'd designed last year. I sat down, turned on my laptop, started Photoshop, opened up invitation001.psd, took a good look, then a deep breath, and realized the idea I had per packaging the invitation was NOT going to work! ARRRRGGGHHH. Did that mean I'd have to redesign the entire thing!! A nightmare!! The many many MANY LOOONG nights I spent making sure EVERY little pixel was in place...every letter perfectly placed...measurements painstakingly calculated...for petes sake how many variations of 'no kids allowed AT ALL...ra ra' did I even come up with??...down the drain???? I teared up. In my quest to avoid the pocketfold, I'd made things infinitely more complicated. This was coming at a time when I should be printing out the invites, not redesigning!!
Oh no, that's not all. I ventured onto my to-do list at my numero uno wedding site and what, pray tell, was staring back at me via my screen?? Alas, a list of 30 items overdue! 30! Boo! BOO! Big BOO! I haven't decided on an officiant, insured the wedding ring, picked out a cake (look, filling, design), decided who's baking the cake, chosen flowers, or a florist, auditioned DJs, spoken to the caterer, ordered a dress, picked bridesmaids dresses, ordered the bridesmaids dresses, picked hotels, booked hotel rooms, decided on a decorator. Deep breath in....IN I say.
That was 2 days ago. I'm ok now. God bless them. As they pointed out to me - while freaking out over the phone to them - we're more than a few months away. Weddings have been planned in less...much less.
I've spoken to the caterer, and gotten an estimate - a contract is in the works. I've booked rooms in one hotel, Shay'll call the other two for me and take care of that. OS came up with a fantastic idea for the invitations, backpocket indeed. I've spoken to the baker - I still haven't picked the look but as long as it's 3-4 layers I don't really care that it's plain white. I'll pick my battles and the cake isn't one of them. Not worried about jewelry or native attire - they'll be handling that (they're becoming fast friends which is nice, really nice).
Having help is great! I always knew I'd never be able to do this alone.
Unfortunately, it's in my nature to freak out. Textbook. But for now, all is well.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
If you say you love me, For your heart you'll have a fight...
~ John Gafford
The holidays are over...for certain they are
The smile turned to a frown
Niceties to silence
Sing-songs to harsh tones
long conversations to clipped retorts
The root of all evil
With my heart, I had my first fight
The holidays are over...for certain they are
The smile turned to a frown
Niceties to silence
Sing-songs to harsh tones
long conversations to clipped retorts
The root of all evil
With my heart, I had my first fight
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