...Take your records, take your freedom, Take your memories, I don't need 'em ...

~ Keith Urban

So I joined FB this week. Hey I'm only a hundred light years behind the curve but I eventually caught up. It's interesting, exciting, fun...but the lack of privacy on there is rather...disturbing. Everyone can see everything you do/say/practically think...all the apps you install, your scores on all games - I certainly wouldn't want anyone knowing if my IQ turned out to be in the double , or scarier, single digits. What if some guy who doesn't know my current relationship status tries to hook up with me by posting as much blatantly on my -oh so public for the world to see- wall? That would be embarrasing to say the least.

Despite my gripes about the obvious privacy issues, it really is a fun site. For someone who's been away from home for 11 years - having left after high school- I've been able to reconnect with numerous folks with whom I've been out of touch for just as long. It's nice to catch up, exchange numbers, IM, make pseudo plans to meet up if we're ever in the neighborhood, reminisce...

But, what is the point of it all...at least in my case? My high school experience was....interesting...different to say the least. Well now, how different was it really from the likes of Clueless, Gossip Girl? Long story short, high school ended with a lot of bad blood. A lot of beef. Immaturity. Stupidity. Ignorance. Unfortunately, I was one of those who made a lot of those mistakes. Made others feel less than...human... for their beliefs...or rather because their beliefs differed from mine. We left highschool grateful that we'd finally be rid of each other. I left hoping I'd never be made to answer for the mistakes I'd made. Never have to face the people I'd hurt. Deeply.

Fast forward 11 years. We meet again on facebook. And while there's the initial euphoria of meeting old friends once again...is that really what we are? Old friends? For me it's gotten akward. Hypocritical almost. What does one do. I'm not that girl anymore...no longer plagued by the group dynamic...the pressure to be perfect and to ridicule those who were not of the same mind. I'm not that girl anymore....am I?

There's a lot of wierdness in our conversation. Cold shouldering. Why are you even on my friends list? Why did you put me on yours? Let's just be civil and ignore each other. It's too late for us to fake any semblance of friendship...or even cordial acquaintanceship. Then why do we try? Just who are we trying to please?

The memories. I try to forget them. Seeing you on facebook brings it all back. For you, the hurt...for me, the shame.


Or am I overreacting...as is not uncommon.